In the dark, someone who's 150 feet away may as well be 150 miles away if you don't choose a path to their exact location or come close enough and happen to shine your light in the right direction. That is, if that someone can't respond.
It's hard not to beat yourself up over it—to keep rehashing it in your mind. Or, I should say, in my mind. I thought about suggesting to my teammate (my husband in this case) that he and I circle through the woods around the ATV while we were waiting for our third field team member to join us. Why didn't I? Because I thought that had already been done? Maybe.
But even if we had circled around the ATV, there still was no guarantee we would have seen him. We wouldn't have gone very far in, only far enough to try cutting for sign. So we probably wouldn't have walked right to that spot. And even 10 feet away, in the lights of our headlamps, it was difficult to make out shapes on that dark, moonless night. Was that a stump or a log? A bush or a big rock? A man? So many dark shapes could have been a man.
We did search for tracks while we waited, and there were many of them on the dirt road around the ATV. We looked at the deputies' boots and ruled out those two sets of prints. There was a third set of prints that were different. Maybe, we thought. But then we looked at a family member's shoes. The third set of tracks were his. We looked up and down the road, which had been driven heavily since the ATV was found. We saw no other footprints or partials there, so we looked at the ground on either side of the road near the quad. It's really difficult to find tracks on pine needles. Is that animal or human? Is that even a depression at all? There are so many deer and elk in those woods.
Then our third teammate arrived and we began our assignment.
Many of us had been so close that night, and then we searched so miles. I didn't think our subject would walk all that far, though, given what we'd been told about him.
But you just can't know for sure. If he were conscious and anywhere near the quad (the last known point, or LKP), he'd have seen the campfire and the lights of our vehicles. Or he'd have heard us calling or even just talking. In fact, the air was so clear, cold, and still that night, field teams could hear each other's voices—a conversation, not a shout—a half-mile away. And we did shout and blow our whistles, too, as we searched. After the helicopter passed over, we shouted some more. And we looked. We shined our lights this way and that and walked closer to any "suspicious" shapes. There were many.
You want to believe the person you're searching for can hear you if you get close enough. You want to believe they can respond, but you look as hard as you can in case they can't. We covered a lot of ground that night—just not the right piece of ground.
At about 4 a.m., we returned to our SAR vehicles, near the LKP, to rest for a little while. At first light, we'd resume the search.
But we didn't have to. As soon as the sun came up, one of our team members, standing near where where the ATV's driver had left the machine, looked into the woods and saw "something that didn't look right." He walked into the trees, closer to that something, and saw it was indeed a man.
At least he'd died doing something he loved, people said. And he'd gotten his buck, which lay no more than 10 feet in front of where the man who was hunting it took his own last step.
One hundred fifty feet away might as well have been 150 miles that dark night, because he couldn't respond.
To this man's family and friends, my sincere condolences. I'm sorry this search didn't have a happy ending.
These are my stories as a volunteer member of the Sheriff's Search and Rescue team in Coconino County, Arizona. I'll share what it's like to go from a beginner with a lot to learn to an experienced and, hopefully, valuable member of the team, as well as the missions, training, and other activities along the way.
